was on course for the past week and it's been a nice change of pace from the usual academics....i learnt many things....things about why others do what they do.....how sometimes all one needs is a little optimism.....

looking back....i realise alot of my posts were rather depressing in the recent years.....the happy ones were during my early years at eGen and even those were few and far in between.....

a few weeks ago, i decided to climb out of the pit known as self-pity and took a tiny step to join an event organised by Social Development Network (SDN)....of course i didn't get much progress becuz of my shyness/fear of speaking around female strangers......nevertheless it is a positive small change for me.....to step out of my comfort zone and engage people who were not related to me thru work.....

i've also decided to slowly cut back on a certain activity that's been my source of support for the past 1 year.....this is actually the hardest part becuz i've gotten a taste of something that i've never had and now my brain is a little addicted to it.....perhaps i will try cutting down slowly rather than in one go......once per month......once fortmonthly.....and eventually none......needless to say....if i end up having a pair of hands to hold onto.....i should be able to take bigger steps to overcome this addiction =)

why the sudden positivity, one might wonder.....well the truth is i have a goal in mind.....a desire that i wan to fulfill......i wanna have a family that's similar to the one im raised in.....the same conditions.....the environment will change in time to come but the values and teachings that i've had will not.....i wan these to be passed down before they get eroded by the changing society......the way i was brought up by my parents made me a relative oddball in today's society but at the same time it also made me one of the rare guys that people seem to overlook (or so my friends say)......i wan my children to be the same rare gem even when society is ruined by playboys and playgirls.....

sounds idealistic huhs? hahahahahas i've had this goal in mind ever since my poly years......even now....this goal hasn't left my mind and is the only reason why i seek out companionship/relationships.......im not in it for the kicks and thrills......i wan it becuz i wan this commitment.....to bring up my kids to be responsible adults.....the same way my parents brought me up =)

i've always been a free and easy-going person who do as i please....this is the only thing/commitment that i bother to pay attention to.....

wells~ anyways that's the post.....jus wanna give a little message here that im picking myself up again and giving it another go~....